Tuesday, August 23, 2016

I Am Here

I've been having one of those times when everything leads to one thing, one moment that I'm now realizing has more significance in my life than I could have ever imagined.  It actually all started with something that happened at my CTMH convention a few months ago which lead to a mentor and to finding a deeper why in my business.  In a nutshell, my mentor told me that if my why doesn't make me cry then I haven't gone deep enough yet.  When I was talking to my husband about this, at one point I said, "I just want to say, I'm here."  That's when it started, that simple phrase, "I'm here," brought tears to my eyes and has started a journey I know I'm just in the beginning of.

When I was younger, I used to hide behind the couch and wait to hear something like, "where's Renae."  Unfortunately, that never happened and eventually I would give up and climb out firmly believing that I was not seen or missed.

As several other experiences the last few weeks all lead up to this same childhood experience and resulting beliefs, I realized I needed to do something to work through them.  I went and saw my therapist for the first time in a long time.  We talked about all of the loneliness and feelings of not being seen as well as how I felt I was not in control of my life right then.  At the end she said something that turned everything around for me, she said something like, "you saw yourself enough to make yourself be seen by others."  I had such an amazing feeling when she said that, I am seeing myself, I am in control of my own life, I am here!  I know there is still more to work though on this new journey of mine, but shat an amazing start!

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