Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Is It Time To Disconnect Or Reconnect

There have been several situations around me that have me thinking about relationships we have with people.  Because of recent deaths I have re-evaluated the importance of relationships.  A friend's child has decided to completely disconnect with everything once held dear.  Another friend has a parent that has disconnected with them causing very hurt feelings.  The question that I ask is, when do you know if it is time for you to disconnect or reconnect with people in your life?  It really is a very personal decision.  I too had disconnected with someone because of things that I was working through, but seeing these other situations caused me to really evaluate whether it was time or not to reconnect.  I did, in fact, bite the bullet, break the ice, etc. and reach out to reconnect and it was a good thing.

The other side of the coin though is knowing when to disconnect with someone who is bringing you down.  Years ago when I was in my early 20's the area I lived in was all student housing, my church Ward (or congregation) was made up of all students except for the Bishop and his 2 counselors.  The rest of the leaders for the Ward made up of the students living in the area.  Our Relief Society President (our women's organization) came over one day and after being there for only a few minutes she issued me a warning.  She told me to be careful, that my new roommate had a "darkness" around her.  Interesting I thought and then promptly forgot about the comment.

It was a month or so later when I was out with my best friend and I found myself saying really depressing things and then said something like, "I have nothing to live for."  My best friend started yelling at me that I was wrong and that I had a lot to live for and then my Relief Society President's warning came back to me and I said, "I know what this is!"  And immediately those dark feelings left me.  I had to really disconnect myself from that roommate to stay out of those dark feelings.

Not too long before my friend Stacey died she had said something that caused me t have hurt feelings.  After awhile I decided to let those feelings go and I reconnected with her, and now that she is gone, I'm so grateful that I didn't let those feelings keep me away from my friend before she died.

Is it time to reconnect or disconnect, well the answers lies in how the person makes you feel.  Do you feel dark around them, if so it is time to disconnect.  If it is light that you feel when you are arnd them, it is time to reconnect.  Sounds simple, lighter or darker with them in your life, but it isn't always that simple, but if you take a little time to evaluate how that person has made you feel in the past, you will know yur answer.

Thursday, January 21, 2016


If I am remembering correctly, one of my sisters shared this with me, it would be a great reminder for every day!

Please Untie the Nots

Dear God:

Please untie the nots that are invading my mind, my heart, and my life.

Please remove the have nots, the can nots, and the do nots that invade my mind.

Please erase the will nots, may nots, might nots that invade my heart.

Please release me from the could nots, would nots and should nots that invade my life.

Most of all, dear God, I ask that you remove from my mind, my heart, and my life all of the am nots that I have allowed to hold me back.

Please erase from my mind the thought that I am not good enough.

Please remove from my heart that I am not loved enough.

Please untie from my life everything that I clutch that supports the belief that I am not enough.

Today, dear God, I come to you humbly and reverently asking that you untie, eliminate, and erase all of the nots that have invaded every aspect of my life.

For your mercy and your grace, I am so grateful.

Let these words take on the presence of the Holy Spirit to become living conditions in my life.

And So It Is!

Every Day I Pray by Iyanla Vanzant

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Melt Downs

So I had a mini meltdown this weekend, I just had had enough of things and felt so worn out and it was just one little thing and that broke the dam holding back the flood gates.  The interesting thing is that I wasn't the only one having melt downs over the weekend.  After talking to a few other people, they admitted to having one as well.  After all the tears and talking with my husband, I realized, once again, that I haven't been doing my breathe strategies for months.  I'm always hoping that I will be able to get off my depression medications, but as we talked I realized that I need to accept that this may be a permanent thing and that treating it that way is probably a good thing for now.  We talked about how my husband has a disease, diabetes, and how he has to do certain things every day to manage it.  He likened that to my depression being a disease or whatever you want to call it and that I need to do certain things every single day to manage it and when I don't I have adverse reactions.  Truthfully I don't know if my meltdown was connected to the depression, hormones or just feeling overwhelmed but either way I wasn't doing anything in my life at the time to help manage any of those things.  So it is back to doing my breathe strategies for me and my husband is checking up with me to make sure I do those.

Thursday, January 7, 2016

Favorite Recipe

Over the weekend I had a dream of my friend Stacey who died in October.  First of all let me say how happy, beautiful and wonderful she looked in my dream, not sure why, but that is important to me.  Anyway, in the dream she said something like, "if I had known I was leaving I would have brought my favorite recipe with me."  All day that just bothered me, I had to know what it meant as I felt like she was really telling me something for real, that it wasn't just a dream.  It wasn't until the next morning that I thought to look up "recipe" on dreammoods.com and this is what it said:

To dream of a recipe symbolizes your creativity, talents and enjoyment of life.  You need to take advantage of life's pleasures.  Consider what the recipe is for.  Desserts suggest that you need to indulge in life and devote some time to leisure.  A recipe for preparing meat represents your desires for physical/emotional satisfaction.

That really made me smile, because once again, even from beyond the grave, she is still telling me to be happy and I love her for that message and making me feel like I am still important to her!

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

My Big Brother

If you know me, you are probably wondering at that title because you know that I don't have any brothers, I only have sisters, 6 of them to be exact.  My older sister and I used to pretend that this big puppet my dad had was our older brother because we always wanted one.  Anyway, this is one of my favorite stories, I think I got it in seminary and I'm sorry I don't know who wrote it.

When I was just a small boy, I had a favorite big brother.  He was great to me.  He would put his big arms around me and we would go scampering down some cool dirt path.  At times like these I would feel ten feet tall.  He didn't seem to mind my tagging a long one bit and there was nothing I loved better.

I was so proud of him.  When he was with me I felt that I was beaming brighter than the sun.  He was good at everything and I never could seem to match the mountains he would make out of sand.  Mine always seemed to crumble and sag; but his would stand firm and tall as the Rocky Mountains.

My father always tried not to show how proud he was of him being the oldest and all, but his smile always seemed to beam a little brighter whenever my brother came around.

I felt my world had all collapsed when he went on his mission.  My parents both had to fight back the tears.  He called up father regularly and let us know how much he loved us.  He even told us how great his mission was so as mother wouldn't worry.

The persecution was really bad there, as the church was just getting it's start.  He never seemed to let himself get down.  Even though the people wouldn't believe his message he was happy and kept trying.

We would all share in his joys when he would get some new converts.  I don't mind saying that I was scared that the non-believers would do something to him.  It even got to the point where men were plotting to take his life.  My father never seemed to be worried for some reason.

Then one day we received  word that his mission had ended, but not as most men's do.  I was struck sick by the terrifying news.

The finally got hold of my big brother.  The big brother I played with, the one who never seemed to be capable of doing anything wrong.

They beat him and mocked him.  He suffered all that, without striking back.  Why would anyone want to hurt my big brother?  I couldn't understand.

A mob took him to a hill just outside of town and spit on him.  They nailed him to a wooden cross.  My soul moaned as I heard that he begged father to forgive them.  Wracked with unbearable pain, he gave up his life for what he believed.

My big brother, my king, my idol was dead.  I cried through what seemed to me to be the darkest day of my life.  Where was my big brother with whom I shaped mountains of sand? Why did he of all my brothers have to die like this?

I felt my father's strong arm on my shoulder and heard him say, "He did it for you, for you and your brothers and sisters."

Time passed and I was called on a mission.  Sometimes I forget what happened so long ago, but every Sunday a small piece of bread and a cup of water remind me of my big brother and what he did for me.  It assures me that he yet lives.