How do you write about something you desperately don't want to be true? I guess you pretend it isn't and write as if it isn't. So I'm choosing to do just that . . .
Remember when we were talking about me becoming a grandma and you were jealous that I was going to be one first? Well, here I am a grandma now, it is so weird to think that we could be old enough to become grandparents! Doesn't it just seem like yesterday that we were cruising in the green valiant by SK's house when the car died and we were so embarrassed!
When I think about our friendship I wonder sometimes what it is that you saw in me as a friend. I know what I saw in you, I have never laughed in my life like I laugh when I am with you. I just laugh thinking about our sleepovers and how you would laugh in your sleep and in the morning would have the funniest dreams to tell me about!
I started singing a silly song to my new grandson the other day, by the way, he looks so much like Adam it is just crazy, anyway, I was making up words as I went along which made me laugh thinking about all those songs we would make up and sing, how about singing "taking the long way home" when we were taking the shortcut home through the tennis courts from high school. I can't even sing the eight apples and bananas song without thinking of you and just laughing!
We had the most gorgeous foggy morning the other day. Oh gosh, remember how much we loved to drive around in the fog! We even came up with our own analogy about life and how we can only see a little at a time like you can only see one line in the road at a time, but that you move forward on faith that the next line will be there and that it is ok to not see everything ahead of you all at once. Of course, there was that one day after a basketball game when we were driving in the fog and a bunch of guys from school drove past us honking and waving only for us to come across them further down the road with them pulled over and all in a line mooning us, oh my gosh, we laughed so hard!
Speaking of driving, not too long ago I saw a Bronco which reminded me of your Conorb. We had so much fun in that thing! I was laughing and thinking about how when we would drop Jenny off at her house and you would back up into someone else's driveway, then pull forward into someone else's and so on and so on until you were just driving us in circles. We would be laughing so hard, so dumb, but we thought it was hilarious! Oh my gosh us and cars, so funny, besides the bronco later you had the red bug. Do you remember the day when we were driving around and a spider on a web dropped down between us in the middle of your car. You couldn't stop fast enough and we both flew out of the car. I got it out before you would even consider getting close to the car again. Then there were my cars, the green valiant that seemed to die on us almost every time we turned left, the dark green valiant that had a "three in a tree" but that would jam in gear and we'd have to open the hood and smack it into the next gear, then that crazy Javelin that I drove for the first time around the corner to your house in first gear so you could teach me how to change the gears because I didn't know how, and finally the Fart, yes it was a Fiat, but we called it the Fart. I'm pretty sure you named it that, I think after the first time we drove it around with someone in the back seat because it kept bouncing under the extra weight and making farting noises. Way too funny, right?!
Now speaking of names, you know how serious I am and how it is hard for me to be silly, but I wanted to come up with a fun, ridiculous name for a user name for a new game app I got. It was so stupid that it was hard for me to come up with something, then I thought about how you always called me "Raw Nae Cros Bay" and I used that to come up with a variation of my own for the game, you should be so proud of me. You do inspire me to reach out for my silliness and joy. I know before I was diagnosed with depression you had a hard time understanding why I was so down, I guess I didn't really understand either. You said, "just be happy." It has always been easier for you to choose joy and I love that about you!
Oh my gosh, do you remember that trip to Lake Powell that your parents let me go on with you? I got so burnt and your mom made me stand in the water while the rest of you were eating. She kept yelling at me to stay there and let the water take the heat out of the burn. I did tan out of that though, I think the first time ever in my life that I was tan. Remember how we pretended that your dad was Clint Eastwood when were at the docks getting gas, we ran up to him asking for his autograph, he wasn't too happy about that one, but, of course, we thought it was hilarious. Then there was our trek out to the bushes with the port-a-potty, enough said about that one!
Speaking of your dad, remember that day that we were all in the kitchen talking about something and he said, "I guess I should have that talk with you about the birds and the bees." And you said, "you don't have too, Renae told me everything." I thought he was going to kill me! I was taking human biology and we always did our homework together and, well, there you are. No really, I love your dad. I love your mom too, I loved it when we could get her laughing because she would laugh so hard she would cry and that was the best! Like when we were all sitting in your basement watching your silly cross-eyed cat running around and crashing into the walls, couch, etc., that was so funny!
Did I ever tell you that my daughter reminds me of you. She has the same happy, joyous and silly personality as you. You know how you would always beep Tuffy's nose and then how you started beeping mine too, drove me crazy. Then one day, my daughter beeped my nose and seriously I thought, "how did I have Stacey's baby?" Thank you for being good to her and Adam every time we came to visit, they love being at your house too!
I don't think I told you, but I started working at the temple pretty cool right?! Remember how much we loved to be on the grounds at the Provo Temple. I always tell everyone that that is my temple, not only because my dad helped build it, or because I saw the beautiful bride room before it was dedicated and I promised myself I would be back, but also because we spent so much time up there. We just felt so peaceful and loved when we were there, didn't we. Maybe we couldn't go inside yet, but we just loved being on the grounds. Except remember that time we were in our sweats and were barefoot and we were sitting on the grass that was kind of behind the bushes on the hill in the back of the temple. I think we talked for hours, then we realized that it was getting dark and it was really quiet. We found ourselves locked inside the gates and no one around, yikes! We finally found a guard to let us out, but that look he gave us with our attire, oh my gosh, what were we thinking?!
My kids were talking about their computer classes they had in high school recently, I had to laugh, no such thing for us, was there. But I did tell them about our typing class and how when we had free time at the end we would type notes to each other, they laughed. I know you know that I still have all those notes, they are so funny to read, we were so weird! Some of our made up words, poems, songs, etc. are written in those silly notes, there's no way I could ever throw them away!
Will you do one thing for me, will you thank Kevin for letting me be such a big part of your lives. I laugh now and think, poor Kevin, I don't think he realized when he married you that he was getting both of us. I didn't think about it until years later when I got married and moved away at how dumb I was in not realizing you guys needed your time together. You know me, if you asked, I was there and loved every minute of it. Like our trip to Vegas together, so funny now when I think about it. I just loved hanging out with you and Kevin was so nice to always let me be there. I don't think he will ever realize how much his kindness meant to me.
Stace, you know you saved my life once, I think you remember it, when I had that really bad roommate and you, well, let's just say, sternly, reminded me of my worth and what I had to live for. Thank you for that! I will always be your biggest fan! I loved going to your pageants, meets and more. Attending events with you, definitely one of my most favorite things to do. I'm not even sure other people in your life knew that I was there, because I was always so happy to just be there, stand back while you were in the limelight. You know me, I'm happier in the background. But, I think it is just in your nature to encourage others to step forward in their lives and claim the good things. I think you always want more for me than I do myself. So, another thing to thank you for!
I could probably go on forever, but I'll stop for now, just remember that you promised to come visit me for a change and I'm going to hold you to that. I love you with all my heart! See you soon! Renae