Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Lest We Forget

Lest We Forget
Author Unknown

She came tonight as I sat alone
The girl that I used to be . . .
And she gazed at me with her earnest eye
And questioned reproachfully:
 
Have you forgotten the many plans
And hopes that I had for you?
The great career, the splendid fame
All wonderful things to do?
 
Where is the mansion of stately height
With all of its gardens rare?
The silken robes that I dreamed for you
And the jewels for your hair?
 
And as she spoke, I was very sad,
For I wanted her pleased with me . . .
This slender girl from the shadowy past
The girl that I used to be.
 
So gently arising, I took her hand,
And guided her up the stair
Where peacefully sleeping, my babies lay
Innocent, sweet and fair.
 
And I told her that these are my only gems,
And precious they are to me;
That silken robe is my motherhood
Of costly simplicity.
 
And my mansion of stately height is love.
And the only career I know.
Is serving each day in these sheltering walls
For the dear ones who come and go.
 
And as I spoke to my shadowy guest,
She smiled through her tears at me;
And I saw the woman that I am now
Pleased the girl that I used to be . . . .

This Thing is Too Heavy

When I was listening to my scriptures the other day (I use the LDS Gospel Library app and listen while I get ready in the mornings) and I was in Exodus 18 where Moses' father-in-law comes for a visit and Moses is being a judge for the people.  Hearing this reminded me of a book on co-dependency that had referred to this scripture and pointing out that Moses was being co-dependent in this situation.  He felt that he had to do this for all the people despite the fact that he was being completely worn out.  His father-in-law says this to him:

17 . . . , The thing that thou does is not good.

18 Thou wilt surely wear away, . . . for this thing is too heavy for thee; thou are not able to perform it thyself alone.

This is exactly what a co-dependent person does, they do everything on their own and do more than they should and surely we wear away ourselves.  Then his father-in-law gives him advice to get others to rule over the thousands of people, others to rule over hundreds, others over fifties and others of tens.  He teaches Moses that he can still do what he feels like he needs to, but he doesn't have to do it alone. 

The first phase of a co-dependent cycle is feeling like we have to do a particular something, that for some reason we truly believe that no one else can do it or help us, etc.  How I have helped myself in this first phase is to write down what it is that I have to do and then being honest with myself and asking is this really something that only I can do, if not, write down who can.  Do I need to ask my spouse or hire it out to someone.  Is it something that really needs to be done at all (sometimes I just perceive that it is something I have to do when in reality it is someone else's responsibility, especially when it is something that has to do with their own lives).  It is not healthy to take on things that are "too heavy" for us, we are here to help each other.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Keep Moving

I definitely overindulged over the weekend and I am feeling it!  I can't believe that I used to feel like this all the time and didn't even realize how bad I felt.  I'm supposed to be on a low fat, low fiber diet for my Gasteroparesis, but I really didn't do any of that over the weekend.  So today it is back to eating right and moving my stomach.  Because the nerve that makes my stomach contract isn't working properly I pretty much rely on stomach acid and gravity to move the food through.  My nutritionist wants me to walk everyday too which moves the stomach as I walk and can help aid in the digestive process. 

This morning I had a song running through my head, Shake It Off, by Taylor Swift and so I kept doing just that.  As I stood there brushing my teeth, folding laundry, etc, I just kept moving my body to move my stomach and thinking "shake it off" as I did.  It reminded me of what Denise Austin calls "fidgitcising" so anytime when you normally would just be standing (like when you are cooking) or sitting (like when you are talking on the phone) also do some sort of simple exercise.  I did do my walk today, but the second that I stopped moving I felt sick to my stomach again and I could feel this heaviness inside my stomach.  I will definitely keep "shaking it off" and keep moving the rest of the day.  Feeling like this is a bad reminder of what not taking care of yourself feels like.