Monday, July 22, 2013

Down Days

Last week I had a great day on Monday, I got so much done and I was thrilled.  I don't seem to get those days very much any more.  At the end of the day I was telling my husband everything that I got done, how great I felt and how I wanted it to be like that all week.  He expressed concern that I had done too much and he wondered that wouldn't I need to recuperate the next day.  I was unconcerned though, I just knew I could keep it up like I have in the past.  I had a plan and I was excited about it.

Tuesday I got up and went with my plan and by mid-day I was running thin on energy and focus, but I was determined and pushed myself and again got a lot done.  Then Wednesday morning I tried to stick to my plan, but I couldn't even concentrate.  My thoughts were all muddled, I couldn't figure out what I was doing and I felt "down" with no real reason why.  I finally admitted to myself that I couldn't do anything and I went and laid down for awhile and the day just went downhill from there. 

These are the days that I call "down" days, I feel down but have no apparent reason for it.  I could not pull myself out of it.  I talked to my husband for a long time about it and how it frustrates me so much.  I want so much to be my old self, getting things done and feeling like I contribute to the world around me.  I am not sure what brought it on, did I do too much the few days before and not give myself some decent recovery time, was it dealing with a few things at therapy on Monday, probably all of the above, but I don't really know why the down days happen.

Thursday morning I woke still feeling the same way, but I knew I had some things I really did need to get done.  I moved slowly, but eventually made it into my work room and tried to work.  Unfortunately, my body and brain weren't having it.  I had been in my room for just over an hour when my daughter, who was away at college, wanted to Skype.  I spent the next several hours on Skype with her.  She was doing some school things, I was trying to do my work and we talked as we worked which was really nice.  I told her what I was doing and since it is Skype, I could show her what I was trying to do as well and she even gave me some input.  Before I knew it the "down" feeling was gone and I was back on track. 

To be honest, I don't know how to avoid them in the future other than realizing I am just not going to be how I used to be and quit trying to push myself despite that.  I guess it is just realizing I have a new normal and it is not getting tons done every single day.  The new normal is getting things done when I feel good, taking time to recover and being gentle with myself when I have a down day.  It is not the "normal" that I want, but I guess I don't have much of a choice.  So, here it is Monday again, and I will just try again, it is the best I can do and that has to be enough.