Last week I had a great day on Monday, I got so much done and I was thrilled. I don't seem to get those days very much any more. At the end of the day I was telling my husband everything that I got done, how great I felt and how I wanted it to be like that all week. He expressed concern that I had done too much and he wondered that wouldn't I need to recuperate the next day. I was unconcerned though, I just knew I could keep it up like I have in the past. I had a plan and I was excited about it.
Tuesday I got up and went with my plan and by mid-day I was running thin on energy and focus, but I was determined and pushed myself and again got a lot done. Then Wednesday morning I tried to stick to my plan, but I couldn't even concentrate. My thoughts were all muddled, I couldn't figure out what I was doing and I felt "down" with no real reason why. I finally admitted to myself that I couldn't do anything and I went and laid down for awhile and the day just went downhill from there.
These are the days that I call "down" days, I feel down but have no apparent reason for it. I could not pull myself out of it. I talked to my husband for a long time about it and how it frustrates me so much. I want so much to be my old self, getting things done and feeling like I contribute to the world around me. I am not sure what brought it on, did I do too much the few days before and not give myself some decent recovery time, was it dealing with a few things at therapy on Monday, probably all of the above, but I don't really know why the down days happen.
Thursday morning I woke still feeling the same way, but I knew I had some things I really did need to get done. I moved slowly, but eventually made it into my work room and tried to work. Unfortunately, my body and brain weren't having it. I had been in my room for just over an hour when my daughter, who was away at college, wanted to Skype. I spent the next several hours on Skype with her. She was doing some school things, I was trying to do my work and we talked as we worked which was really nice. I told her what I was doing and since it is Skype, I could show her what I was trying to do as well and she even gave me some input. Before I knew it the "down" feeling was gone and I was back on track.
To be honest, I don't know how to avoid them in the future other than realizing I am just not going to be how I used to be and quit trying to push myself despite that. I guess it is just realizing I have a new normal and it is not getting tons done every single day. The new normal is getting things done when I feel good, taking time to recover and being gentle with myself when I have a down day. It is not the "normal" that I want, but I guess I don't have much of a choice. So, here it is Monday again, and I will just try again, it is the best I can do and that has to be enough.