As you may know, I have been working on learning how to love myself more and I keep a record every day on a 1-100 scale of how much I love myself with 100 being the top of loving myself. I did start at 0 when I started this project. I finally made it to 51, which is the tipping point, months ago and really struggled to get further than that. One of my sisters suggested that my goal had been just to get to 51 and I hadn't readjusted my goal. I realized that she was right, so I decided I needed the goal to get to 100.
So I started working again at making more of an effort to be kind to myself and to do thing that would encourage me to like myself more. I made it up to 65 and I have been stuck at 65 for a really long time and I am not sure what I need to do next.
Over the last few years I have learned how to feel my feelings and really listen to myself and that has been a huge step in understanding myself and being kinder to myself. Feeling your feelings, good and bad, is crucial to being a whole and healthy person. In Fact, Matthew Linn, Sheila Fabricant, and Dennis Linn in their book "Healing the Eight Stages of Life" had this to say:
Recall a time when you felt deeply loved. Reexperience the scene, breathing that love into yourself once again. Now recall a time . . . when you were hurt. Reexperience the scene, using all your senses to imagine it. Get in touch with any feelings of hurt. . . . Let Jesus join you in the scene. Watch what he says and does for you. Breathe in all the ways Jesus is loving you, and breathe out any hurt.
The word "Breathe" means so much more to me than just taking in air (see the side bar for more reasons why) and this suggested experience is really wonderful! I've decided this week that I need to try and do this as much as possible. I have also decided that I need to recall a time when I felt like I deeply loved myself and do the same thing with this experience.
As I think about the time when I felt most loved, when I most loved myself and when I felt loved by my Savior it brings such an amazing feeling inside. So this week, breathe in all the love and breathe out all the hurt! What a cool thing to do!