My intention with this blog when I initially started it was to help me focus on my healing and to share that healing with others. This morning I'm feeling like I have lost connection with my intent and myself. I have been praying this morning for help and guidance to get back to my goals and myself. I tend to connect better with myself through writing, not sure why, but there it is. So here I sit trying to reconnect and feeling so utterly lost. I am listening to a beautiful song on Pandora and praying for guidance. As I am writing, the first thing that I realize is that I have stopped doing my Breathe Strategies again and thus find myself here.
Next, I reach for my book of therapy notes and read the following quote from Meditation Made Easy by Lorin Roche:
Set your mind free to wander over your life. . . . Think of when you felt at home, in yourself, in your body, in the world, or in your heart. . . . Feeling at home exercise with experiences such as feeling intensely alive, being extremely alert, being flooded with gratitude, and experiencing love. . . . Think of some of the times in your life when you have found yourself appreciating the action of breathing. Walking outside on a snowy morning and seeing the air you exhale turn into a mist. . . . Saying "whew" in a moment of relief. . . . Healthy means you do not repress yourself, brutalize, edit yourself. . . . The greatest danger for meditators is deleting parts of the self. The parts of yourself that you snub and do not invite to the party cannot give you their gifts. . . . [M]editation is ultimately about explaining your deepest cravings. . . . The more you connect meditation with your passions, your deepest cravings, your unfulfilled longings, the better.
I love the line "healthy means you do not repress yourself" and the thought that you need to invite all parts of yourself to the "party" so that they might give to you their gifts. I can't even begin to count how many times I have shut down aspects of myself just trying to survive a situation when now I wonder how much better I would have been bringing all aspects of myself to it.
I realize now that the lost feeling I have had for the last few weeks began when I started shutting down parts of myself instead of opening and embracing all aspects of me. I feel now that I need to focus on connecting with my emotions through my healing, connecting with myself through my own personal history and connecting with my spiritual self. I feel strongly that focusing on just these three aspects will bring me back to myself.
I have often thought of my entries on this blog as my "Therapy Thursday" entries (my original goal was to do at least one entry a week and the therapy thursday concept got stuck in my head). I am going to try and do that again as well as a few other thoughts that are running around in my head. Well, here I go again, gotta get back on that horse of my Breathe strategies and get feeling better again!