Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Make Friends With It

One day when I was talking to my therapist about some challenges, she asked me if there was a way that I could "make friends" with the situation. She explained to me that when we are faced with doing things that are difficult to do or that we don't want to do, "making friends" with it is finding a new way to do it that fits better with how we do things or where we are at during that moment in our life.

I was thinking about this the other day because I have been having a hard time talking myself into cleaning the shower. So I wondered how I could "make friends with it" to make the task better or at least easier for me to talk myself into doing. I came up with a couple of quicker solutions, one is to spray a quick shower cleaner in it just a few minutes before I hop in the shower and I rinse it off while I am in there.

How I have always "made friends" with chores is that when I am watching tv, during the commercials I jump up and do a few dishes, start a load of laundry, etc. and during the show I fold laundry or do some other task that can be done while I am sitting there. So I had actually been using the "make friends with it" skill for a long time, I just didn't realize it. In my blog entry "Change Everything" that I posted a few weeks ago I really used this technique a lot. I took a list of things I was struggling with and found new ways to do them.

Emotionally I have found ways to "make friends" with things as well. Like letting my anger out, which was something I was really afraid to do. I had held in my angry feelings all my life, not knowing that there could be a safe way to let them out. After thinking about it for a long time, trying a couple of different ideas, I finally found that hitting a punching bag while either thinking what I was angry about or sometimes even yelling it was a safe and comfortable way for me to let those angry feelings move through me.

I realized the other day when a friend came over for help with a project she was working on and didn't know how to proceed on it that asking for help is probably one of the best ways of making friends with a situation.  So now when I'm frustrated with a certain situation, I stop and ask myself, "how can I make friends with it?"  I may not come up with something right a way, but eventually something will come to me and then I can move forward.

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