I'm having a huge problem right now of running through all the things I would like to do and need to do around and around in my head to the point where I can't seem to even make a decision. I think about doing things one way, then later I think that that won't work so I think of doing it another way and on and on I go.
This morning I was thinking about what it is that I really need to do for myself this week. I kept asking myself what Breathe Strategy do I need the most. I was praying for guidance and decided to just start working on my blog and see if I could come up with anything.
I have some quotes sitting in my blog drafts waiting for the right time to become an actual blog entry and today the one below caught my eye. I read it a few times and then it hit me, I am living in my head. I'm trying to make all my decisions and schedule in my head instead of just living my life and letting myself move forward on what feels right at the moment. I remember reading this quote a really long time ago, but had forgotten about it and here it is again, just when I need it:
I believe that femininity is taking responsibility for our bodies, so that the body becomes the tangible expression of the spirit within. For those of us who have lived life in the head, this is a long, difficult and agonizing process, because in attempting to release our muscles, we also release the pent-up fear and rage and grief that has been buried there, probably since or before birth. Within ourselves we find a stricken animal almost dead from starvation and mistreatment. Because it has been punished so long, it acts at first like a wild neurotic creature that hasn't known love. But gradually it becomes our friend, and because it understands the instincts better than we, it becomes our guide to a natural, spiritual way of life. Addiction to Perfection by Marion Woodman
I think I am living in my head because I don't feel like I am in control of my life. But reading this again today made me realize that the only real way to control my life is to just start living in it. Instead of worrying every day what my schedule should be, when should I do everything and what should I do I need to just start moving.
I have a wonderful group of ladies that come create with me in my scrapbook room and one of them was telling me a story about her granddaughter, I hope she doesn't mind if I share. Her granddaughter (I believe she around 7 or so) had gotten hurt and needed stitches. To get through that experience she told her mom that she just pushed her thoughts out of her head. How I envy that little girl, what a great ability to have at such a young age. Here I am so much older and so stuck in my head it is ridiculous. But just because I can't do it naturally, doesn't mean it isn't a skill that I can acquire, I just need to work on it.
I have been doing my Basket A items (see Blog entry Basketful of Gifts) because they are the things that keep me sane. Now I realize that the items in Basket B and C have been just spinning around in my head, some getting done and others just keep spinning around and around. I think it is time to get them out of my head.
I love lists, I don't know why, I'm just a list person. I need to write down all the things running around in my head and then after I have accomplished my Basket A items, I can then just pick an item from my list purely based on how I feel at that moment. I'm going to try and push away the thoughts about what I should be doing next, how best to be doing things, and just pick based on what feels right at that moment.
I know this will be a challenge for me as I have been living in my head for a really long time, but I really feel like my prayer was answered and this is what I really need this week. It is definitely time to get out of my head and get into life!