When we got home all of us were feeling the emotions and for the longest time we all just sat together in silence and cried. Then this morning when my son and husband left for the airport the tears flowed again. My daughter was crying and was really upset so I let her stay home from school. After they drove away, we crawled into my bed and cried together.
In the past I would have held in my emotions, especially around my children. I didn't want them to be sad or to worry about what I might do with my emotions. But I have learned to feel my emotions, to breathe through them and share them. I love this quote from Melodie Beattie's book Co-Dependent No More:
If a feeling comes our way, we feel it, acknowledge the sensation then move on to the next step. We don't censor, we don't run from, we don't talk ourselves out of feeling it, we don't pass judgment on the feeling, we experience it, we allow the energy to pass through our bodies and we accept it as our feeling. Then appropriately respond to the feeling. Then we decide what, if anything, we want to do about the feeling.
Letting my son go this morning was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but sharing the sadness that I was feeling with the rest of my family made it so much easier to live through. I believe the appropriate response to how I am feeling is to keep sharing it. First I shared my feelings in my journal as well as my immediate family. I also talked to several friends about how I was feeling. But most important of all, I trust my Heavenly Father to watch over Adam for me. Only 730 days until he is home and every moment that I am sad and miss him, I'm going to feel it, acknowledge it and let it pass through me.