Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Breathe Strategy - R is for Release

This strategy has probably been the hardest one for me to do, which is to let go!  Releasing past hurts and feelings were especially hard for me because I had them all closed up inside of me.  I didn't allow myself to feel things, especially hurtful things.  I kept shoving down my feelings and they were building up inside me.  The first time that I really "felt" things was after a few months of therapy.  My therapist was trying to get me to feel and breathe through my emotions.  I really didn't know how to do it, so one day I sat down at my computer and tried to "feel" and I was stumped, I didn't know what to do.  I picked up the book Co-Dependent No More and looked through it thinking there had to be something in here telling me how to feel my feelings.  Finally I just started typing about things from my childhood that logically I should feel upset about.  I started with "I guess I feel . . ." about a few of my experiences and just kept going.  Then with one particular experience suddenly I found myself crying as I typed.  The more I typed the harder I cried.  With tears falling onto my keyboard I continued to type how I was feeling.  This was the first time I had ever cried about this most particular and painful time in my life.  After over 30 years I finally felt the pain and saddness of this moment.  I cried so hard even the dog came to see what was wrong.  I cried, typed and released that pain for a long time.  I was exhausted when I was done and so surprised at what I had been holding inside for so long.  To be honest, I didn't even know all that emotion was inside.  I have tried many times to open up that document that I typed that day with all these long-time held in feelings, but it will not open.  I suppose that is for the best, it really isn't necessary that I re-read all that came out that day.  What is important is that I released all of those emotions from inside my body.  So for this week, I'm going to refocus on letting go and releasing anything that I am holding inside, it is so much easier to breathe when I do.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thanks for commenting!