Monday, January 10, 2011
Maybe That's Okay
One of the things that happened over the past several years is that I quit cooking for my family. One day I was talking to my therapist about it and feeling guilty about it, she said, "maybe that's okay." All I had been thinking about was what a bad wife and mother I was being because I just couldn't bring myself to cook. Food was not really important to me, what everyone wanted to eat was different, previously I was making dinner co-dependently (I never made what I wanted to eat), and then there is the whole "kitchen" issue (a whole different story that I will save for another day). I just quit cooking, so we were eating out a lot. But all it took was her saying, "maybe that's okay," for me to look at it differently. One of the first things my therapist noticed when I started seeing her three years ago was that I said "should" a lot. I wondered after she brought it up if my whole life was a lot of "should's" and no "want's." It really does have a completely different feel and instead of feeling guilty about what I "should" do, she suggested saying something like "if I really wanted to, I would . . . ." Learning that maybe what I am doing at the moment is okay for now and that if I really wanted to do something, I would has been really helpful for me as I have started learning to be a better person. Maybe it is okay to take a nap when you want to and you are tired, maybe it is okay that today I don't have the energy to exercise, maybe it is okay to do something you like to do. When you are co-dependent, you don't give yourself the luxury of feeling "okay" about what you are doing in your life, especially if you dare do something for yourself. I felt like if I wasn't doing things "perfectly" then I was a horrible person. Maybe it's okay if I don't do everything perfectly, maybe it's okay if I'm human and just make mistakes, maybe it's okay if I relax for a minute. Maybe it's okay . . . , a phrase that has let me quit trying to be a perfectionist, live each day more relaxed and breathe.